PostAWeek 26: The Bug Incident (Foreword by Tom, Chuck, and
Paul)
By David “PostAWeek
Correspondent” Dysart
The Bug Incident: A Special Report
Chuck: Hello, and welcome to the
Performer of the Month, and I would like to take this opportunity to ask my
co-host, Tom, to just act normal.
Tom: Woah... Way to put me on blast
in front of our audience. I can’t believe you would just do that right off the
bat.
Paul: That is pretty bad. And
pretty unprofessional
Chuck: I was just-
Paul: Hey, guys! We’ve got a
special report coming in.
Chuck: A what?
Tom: A special report? From David??
Chuck: That doesn’t even make
sense.
Paul: Yeah, it looks like there was
a bug incident.
Chuck: What does he want us to do
with that.
Tom: Well, PostAWeek readers, it
looks like we’re going to throw it to our PostAWeek Correspondent at his
Southern California residence for this special summer report on... The Bug
Incident.
Chuck: Alright, I guess this means
our Summer of Performers, 4 straight week of PotM is no longer a thing. Maybe
we’ll see you next week, PostAWeek readers. But for now, enjoy the first
ever... Special Report.
Tom: How’s it going David?
Good, Tom. So I got a text from my
dad about a beetle he had sprayed, killed, and left for me to dispose of under
a cup. At least that’s what I thought it said...
I get home, and I steal a glance to
where he said it was, and all I see was the plastic cup... on its side...
crunched...
Well... that’s disconcerting, so I
take a few steps closer get a closer look. Turns out it was dead, near the cup.
I must have just misread the text, so I grabbed an envelope to scoop him up and
chuck him outside, but as I kneeled down, my dad runs his hand through my hair
and yells that it’s in my hair...
So after that pleasantness, I
regain my composure (which I won’t go into detail how much he got me). And when
I go back to scoop him up, its leg starts moving. I paused. And then the
antenna starts going too, and I just figured it was just some posthumous death
twitching, but then the sumb!@t# does a crunch and looks at me. This thing just
starts moving around and starts spinning itself. The friggin Deadpool of bugs
decided to play a little practical joke on me as it starts trying to right
itself.
I sack up and flip it into the cup
and rush off to the door to chuck the thing outside. My dad just looks at me
and asks me why I did that. Dumbfounded, and look back and ask what he wanted
me to do with it.
He told me that I should have
ventured off into the dark and lonely path to our trashcans. I laughed in his
face and explained how as soon as I got out of eye-shot of him, that bug
playing opossum was going to kill me.
That does it for me. Back to you
guys in the studio.
Tom: So really, I think that’s
fundamental psychological drive for the ménage à trois.
Paul: Wow, I never really thought
of it like that. That’s really ensigh-
Chuck: You two! We’re back on the
page!
Tom: Whoops! Hello, PostAWeek
readers.
Chuck: And on that note, good bye,
PostAWeek readers.
Tom: But we never got to the
Performers of the Month for May.
Chuck: Yeah, that “Special Report”
took up our entire word count, so we’ll have to come back next week.
Tom: Cool, so I basically have this
week off?
Chuck: I mean, you were here.
Tom: Sweet, I’m going to go see if
that intense psychological analysis works on Chuck’s wife.
Chuck: Wait, what?
Tom: Paul, want to be my +1?
Paul: Sure, let’s go.
Chuck: Wait, wait, wait.
/Door shuts
Chuck: I don’t know how to produce
the show guys!
/Buttons click
Chuck: Guys! Well, have a fantastic
weeks, PostAWeek readers. Until next time...
...
...
...
...
...
...
Chuck: There it is.
Listening to
Alan Cumming
Twitter Tag
We interrupt this PotM for a special report in honor of Franz
Kafka’s birthday, only @ http://tiny.cc/PostAWeek26
Going faster than a
“Reply All” email, websites like mine will surely go your way
http://twitter.com/daviddysart All in
all, it’s just another post in the feed
http://daviddysart.tumblr.com/ I’m
gonna post some tumblrs
http://hangingonbelay.blogspot.com/
Got you stuck on my belay, on my belay like a figure 8
http://daviddysart.blogspot.com/
Posts become as vapid as a blogger out in Starbucks
http://tiny.cc/Facebook_DavidDysart
This site has got to be the most pretentious thing
The http my own website
is coming soon .com !!!! in all its Glory - and all its Horror
New to the PostAWeek?
These are the essential posts to see
3 – January Performer of
the Month – The first official appearance of Chuck and Tom on the PostAWeek,
and a good sampler of their style.
5, 6, 7 – The February
Performer of the Month Trilogy – The only Performer of the Month to span 3
posts, Chuck deals with a Batman-quoting Tom for over 1,500 words in this
three-bit of brilliance
8, 9, 10 – The Mile High
Diaries Trilogy – My yearly pilgrimage to the top of Mount Etatslac chronicled
for the future generations to tackle the peak, written article-style with
pulled quotes and all that jazz.
Chuck: Dammit! How do I shuck this f#@%ing blog off!!!
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