PostAWeek 25: April Performer of the Month -
By David “THE MOST
ELECTRIFYING CHARACTER IN ALL BLOGGING ENTERTAINMENT” Dysart
Tom and Chuck were
transcribed in front of an imaginary audience
Peter Dinklage as Tyrion
Lannister
Of Game of Thrones
Green Day
Scott Sigler
Star Crafts Youtube
Tom: Readers! Welcome to this
episode of the PostAWeek!
Chuck: After quite the hiatus,
we’re back with an entire month of Performer of the Months.
Tom: FINALLY
Chuck: No
Tom: TOM AND CHUCK
Chuck: Don’t
Tom: HAVE
Chuck: Please stop.
Tom: COME BACK
Chuck: No
Tom: TO THE POSTAWEEK
Chuck: Is that out of your system
now.
Tom: IT IS NEVER OUT OF MY SYSTEM
Chuck: UGH
Tom: BECAUSE I’M THE MOST
ELECTRIFYING CHARACTER IN ALL BLOGGING ENTERTAINMENT
Chuck: Can we just have ONE regular
post?? That’s all I ask.
Tom: IS THAT WHAT YOU’RE ASKING??
Chuck: Yes, that is in fact what
I’m asking.
Tom: KIND OF SOUNDS LIKE YOU’RE
ASKING ME TO WHOOP YOUR CANDY ASS!
Chuck: Why would I ask you to do
that?
Tom: I’M GOING TO TAKE MY SIZE
13’S, TURN THEM SIDEWAYS AND
Chuck: Get to the this month’s
performer?? That’s a great plan!
Tom: ALRIGHT AND WHO IS OUR FIRST
PERFORMER, WHO THE FIRST PERSON WHO DARES TO INTERRUPT THE TOM AND ON THE TOM’S
SHOW? WHO DOES TOM NEED TO KICK UP AND DOWN UNTIL WE GET TO THE SMACKDOWN HOTEL
AND I CAN BUY A LITTLE EXTRA TOM SAUCE AT THE CANDYASS CAFE??
Chuck: It’s Pete-
Tom: PETE PETE PETE. I DON’T CARE!
YOU NEED TO SHUT UP AND KNOW YOUR ROLE! IF I WANTED PETER DINKLAGE AS TYRION
LANNISTER FROM GAME OF THRONES TO BE ON THE TOM’S SHOW, I WOULD TAKE HIM
Chuck: You would take him?
Tom: I WOULD DO SOMETHING REAL
SPECIAL WITH HIM.
Chuck: You know he’s a person
right?
Tom: SHINE HIM UP REAL NICE
Chuck: I don’t even know what that
means.
Tom: TURN THAT SUM BITCHES SIDEWAYS
AND STICK HIM STRAIGHT UP YOUR CANDY ASS
Chuck: Well, with that
beautiful mental image... Our next performer is Green Day
Tom: WHO...
Chuck: They’re a ba-
Tom: IN THE BLUE HELL... IS THAT
RUDY POO?!
Chuck: Most recently, they released
a trio of albums called, Uno, Do-
Tom: IF I WANTED THEY’RE LIFE’S
STORY, I’D HAVE INVITED THEM ON THE TOM’S SHOW AND WE WOULD HAVE HAD A NICE
LITTLE CHAT TOGEHTER. CAAAANNNN YOU SMELL... WHAT THE TOM... IS COOKING
Chuck: Is it Roast Bee-
Tom: DON’T MAKE THE TOMETH LAYETH
THE SMACKETH DOWN ON YOUR CANDY ASS! GET TO THE NEXT PERFORMER!
Chuck: Next up is podcaster Scott
Sigler.
Tom: DO YOU MEAN THE WALKING
CADAVER. THEEEEEE FUTURE... DARK OVERLORD. THE 5-FOOT NOTHING STINKING,
STEAMING, BAG OF MONKEY CRA-
Chuck: Tom! These are all respected
performers and honorees here on the Performer of the Month.
Tom: AND TOM WILL DO WHAT HE ALWAYS
DOES. KICKING THE JABRONI ASSES OF ANYONE AND EVERYONE ON THE PERFORMER OF THE
MONTH.
Chuck: Well that’s fine and dandy,
bu-
Tom: AND AS HE DOES IT, THE
MILLIONS
Paul: and millions
Tom: AND THE MILLIONS OF FANS OF
THE TOM WILL CHANT
Paul: TOMMY TOMMY TOMMY
Chuck: And I’ll be here introducing
Star Crafts Youtube as our last performer for the month of April.
Tom: NO
Chuck: What no??
Tom: YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN THE MOST
IMPORTANT PERFORMER OF THE MONTH...
Chuck: Nope, it’s these 4 on the
script
Tom: YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN THE TOM’S
FAVORITE PERFORMER THIS MONTH AND EVERY MONTH. YOU’VE FORGOTTEN PUTANG PIE!!
Chuck: Ugh, let’s just get to the
Performer of the Month.
Tom: WHO CARES ABOUT THE PERFORMER
OF THE MONTH WHEN YOU HAVE THE READERS’ CHAMPION DROPPING THE READERS’ ELBOW
ALL OVER THIS BLOG!
Chuck: Yes, well. Our performer
this month is
Paul: dududududuuddududududududu
Chuck: Is-
Tom: THE TOM SAYS, YOU HAVE NEVER,
AND I MEAN EVER DONE THIS AS GOOD AS THE TOM, AND THAT MEANS THAT ON THE TOM’S
SHOW, THE TOM IS GOING TO BE ANNOUNCING THE PERFORMER OF THE MONTH
Chuck: Then g-
Tom: YOU NEED TO SHUT YOUR MOUTH
AND KNOW YOUR ROLE!
Paul: You’ve actually already used
that one, Tom.
Tom: Really? Sorry. I guess I got
carried away
Paul: It’s okay, go ahead.
Tom: THIS BLOG IS OVER ITS WORD
COUNT AND I COULDN’T CARE. THE PERFORMER OF THE MONTH IS...
Paul: dududududuuddududududududu
Tom: THE DWARF, THE IMP, THE MOST
ELECTRIFYING ACTOR IN THE HBO SHOW, THE MOST RIVETING CHARACTER IN THE BOOKS.
THE PERFORMER OF THE MONTH IS PETER DINKLAGE AS TYRION LANNISTER FROM GAME OF
THRONES!
Chuck: Well, there you have it.
Thank you for joi-
Tom: OH, NO NO NO. YOU DO NOT END
THE TOM’S SHOW. THE TOM ENDS THE TOM’S SHOW, YOU BROKEN DOWN, JOBRONI-ASSED
EXCUSE FOR A HOST. AND THE TOM SAYS THE SHOW IS OVER.
Listening to
Twitter Tag
THE ROCK SAYS YOU WILL READ THIS POST, YOU WILL LIKE THIS
POST, AND YOU WILL ENJOY EVERY SECOND OF IT YOU CANDY-ASS JABRONI http://daviddysart.blogspot.com/2013/06/postaweek-21-april-performer-of-month.html
Going faster than a
“Reply All” email, websites like mine will surely go your way
http://twitter.com/daviddysart All in
all, it’s just another post in the feed
http://daviddysart.tumblr.com/ I’m
gonna post some tumblrs
http://hangingonbelay.blogspot.com/
Got you stuck on my belay, on my belay like a figure 8
http://daviddysart.blogspot.com/
Posts become as vapid as a blogger out in Starbucks
http://tiny.cc/Facebook_DavidDysart
This site has got to be the most pretentious thing
The http my own website
is coming soon .com !!!! in all its Glory - and all its Horror
New to the PostAWeek?
These are the essential posts to see
3 – January Performer of
the Month – The first official appearance of Chuck and Tom on the PostAWeek,
and a good sampler of their style.
5, 6, 7 – The February
Performer of the Month Trilogy – The only Performer of the Month to span 3
posts, Chuck deals with a Batman-quoting Tom for over 1,500 words in this
three-bit of brilliance
8, 9, 10 – The Mile High
Diaries Trilogy – My yearly pilgrimage to the top of Mount Etatslac chronicled
for the future generations to tackle the peak, written article-style with
pulled quotes and all that jazz.
AND ON THE SEVENTH DAY, THIS BLOG WAS POSTED AND
THE TOM LOOKED UPON AND SAW THAT IT WAS GOOD
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