PostAWeek 7: February Performer of the Month – The Dark PotM
Razes
By David “Bane of Your
Existence” Dysart
Tom and Chuck were transcribed in
front of an imaginary audience
PotM February
CPPN – Chocolate, Peanutbutter-Filled Pretzel, Nut mix.
Tom: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
We are tonight's entertainment! I only have one question. Who is the Performer
of the Month?
Chuck: Welcome, PostAWeek readers,
one last time to the February Performer of the Month. To catch up, you really
need to read our last two posts, http://tiny.cc/PostAWeek5
and http://tiny.cc/PostAWeek6.
Tom: A third post, for when you
absolutely, positively got to nominate every performer of the month, accept no
substitutes.
Chuck: Wait, that’s not a Batman
quote...
Tom: I don't know why I made a
Tarantino quote, but I'm still a believer in the Batman.
Chuck: Alright, well let’s just
finally get to these performers.
Tom: Just real quick. You could
have gone anywhere, but you came back.
Chuck: So did you.
Paul: Well then I guess you’re both
suckers.
Tom: You know what, Paul. You
either die a reader or you live long enough to see yourself become the writer
Chuck: Anyways! Our first performer this month is none other
than Bryan Cranston for his work on
Breaking Bad
Tom: Hmm, he must be a great actor.
Chuck: Why’s that?
Tom: Cause he definitely ain’t
winning no awards for the way he fills out a pair of tighty whiteys.
Tom: Nothing else needs to be said.
Everyone knows they’re Gotham's Green Day
Chuck: And they’re back
Tom: Let the games begin!
Chuck: And moving on to our third
performer, CPPN – Chocolate, Peanutbutter-Filled Pretzel, Nut mix.
Tom: This snack is as precious to
me as out previous performers, Bryan Cranston and Green Day. I swore to them
that I would eat this, and I haven’t.
Chuck: Anyways, we had a bit of
competition for this last spot this month.
Tom: There's a storm coming, Mr. Jewels.
You and your friends better batten down the hatches, because when it hits,
you're all gonna wonder how you ever thought you could throw in so many
performers and leave one spot for the rest of us.
Chuck: You sound like you're a
fracking moron.
Tom: I'm adaptable.
Chuck: Ugh.
Tom: And flexible. You can ask your
wi-
Chuck: Nope! Just stick to the
Batman references, thank you.
Tom: I knew your wife. I was her “friend”.
And it will be a very long time before someone... inspires me the way she did.
I belLIEveD with your wife.
Chuck: I can’t believed you
combined the two things I hated most about you.
Tom: My mother warned me about
getting into cars with strange men.
Chuck: This isn't a car. It’s a
blog, you jacka-
Tom: Don't worry, Master Jewels. It
takes a little time to get back into the swing of things.
Chuck: Queen... And Prince. Those
are the two competing spots for last slot this month.
Tom: Those are brazen names for
performers.
Chuck: Yeah, but they work well
together. What do you know about them?
Tom: That you should be as
entertained of them as I am.
Chuck: Well, while Prince has been getting some play time,
but Queen’s live performance at Wembley http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uh9oUHO2dxE
secures their spot as the last candidate in The Performer of the Month.
Tom: You cannot reveal from these
men unless you are prepared to do what is necessary to pick this month’s
Performer.
Chuck: And how would I be picking
these men?
Tom: Drumroll. As Paul’s favored
host you will be ideally placed to ask for his drumroll.
Chuck: How?
Tom: This Performer of the Month’s
time has come. Like PWND Fiction Content and Hanging on Belay before it, the
post has become a breeding ground for words and humor. It is beyond liking and
must be commented on. This is the most important function of The PostAWeek.
Performer of the Month... must come to an end.
Chuck: Then I suppose that’s your
cue, Paul
Paul: dududududuuddududududududu
Chuck: Bryan Cranston of Breaking
Bad.
Tom: ...
Chuck: Uh, Tom. You kind of need to
say something
Tom: ...
Paul: I need you to get me back in
the game.
Tom: This Blog needs me.
Chuck: Oh, geeze, this was just a
setup
Tom: I'll die before I stop talking.
Chuck: No references, no wife
jokes.
Tom: Where’s the fun in that? References
and wife jokes, powerful agents for the uninitiated. But we are initiated,
aren't we Chuck?
Chuck: Yeah, I’m done with this
episode. David can just come in and finish if he’d like
Tom: He’s the blogger the
internet deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we’ll ignore him.
Because he can take it. Because he’s not our blogger. He’s a silent typer, a
witty proliferer of words. A digital knight.
Chuck: You know what, we’re at like
double our word count. Have a fantastic week, PostAWeek readers. Come back next
week for another brilliant, and regularly scheduled PostAWeek, The Domains of
Attractiveness.
David: Hey, guys. What’s
up?
Paul: David! We were just
talking about you.
David: Speak of the
Devil, and he shall appear
Tom: Yes! The Batman
references continue!
David: Alright, Chuck.
Get out of here. I’ll take over for the rest of the show.
Chuck: No letter, no
words? What sort of due process is this?
David: Your performance
has been determined. This is merely a sentencing hearing. Now, what will it be?
Death or Firing?
Chuck: David, if you
think I’m going to walk out in that economy willingly, you got another thing
coming!
David: So it's death
then?
Chuck: Looks that way.
David: Very well. Death!
Tom: By firing!
David: Thanks, Tom.
Tom: Why are you here?
Chuck: Answer him!
Tom: I was asking you.
Chuck: Screw it, I’m out.
David: Bye Chuck! See you
in March
Chuck: Bite me
Tom: Hey, you and your
wife have a lot in common!
David: Well, now we
really are double our supposed word count. Care to take us out, Tom?
Tom: Sure thing, David.
Bye!
Listening to
King (the 80’s pop band)
Twitter Tag
*David* Postaweek. Jesus. I thought you were dead.
*PostAWeek* Weekly, only at http://tiny.cc/PostAWeek7
Going faster than a
“Reply All” email, websites like mine will surely go your way
http://twitter.com/daviddysart The
twits are tweeting and rss feeding
http://daviddysart.tumblr.com/ I pray
your mouse batteries die, and you take a tumblr
http://thebloggaday.blogspot.com/
Now here’s a little blog, I’ve got to tell
http://tiny.cc/Facebook_DavidDysart
I’m not calling you a bot, just don’t
botter me
I wanna view like Youtube
http://www.youtube.com/user/DavidDysart
Shut up and let me show
What’s pickier than
pickier? The Piccaday
http://tiny.cc/Piccaday_Photobucket
Light me up that web cam and strap a smile on my face
http://thepiccaday.blogspot.com/
Let the pictures hit the floor
http://tiny.cc/Piccaday_Flickr I’m
gonna pack my pixels and I’m gonna go your way
New to the Bloggaday?
These are the essential posts to see
158 – Boxer V Brief –
Short, concise joke machine and a DYNAMIC ENTRANCE! to my favorite Bloggadays
of the Second Trigaday
159 – A Phthalates-filled
Sbarro Breadstick – This was just a funny Bloggaday despite the essence being
something no one will get unless the look up what a phthalate is
174 – FNtCCA,aToTbDD–
While I think it’s clear I rarely EDIT the Bloggaday, this train-of-thought
post shows how much I have to FILTER it…
183 – SotW 13 – This one
had it all. Pretty much every bit that’s been a major player in the SotW made
its way into this one, so it’s a good one to try.
134 – SotW 5 – This
particular Song of the Week featured the characters a bit truer to their
original concept. After a while, I started liking Tom too much and changed him
a bit which caused changes to Chuck.
227 – PWND: TSHBRotCCPS
pt16 was some solid fiction content. Plus, that was probably some of the finest
Final Thought I’ve ever thought up.
Bane: Calm down, Doctor!
Now's not the time for fear. That comes later.
The Doctor: Fear breeds
hatred. Fear is the greatest enemy of them all, for fear leads us to war.
Bane: Peace has cost you
your strength! Victory has defeated you! As a man once said, “There's a point,
far out there when the structures fail you, and the rules aren't weapons
anymore, they're... shackles letting the bad guy get ahead.”
The Doctor: Good men
don't need rules. Today is not the day to find out why I have so many.
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