PostAWeek 25: April Performer of the Month - By David “THE MOST ELECTRIFYING CHARACTER IN ALL BLOGGING ENTERTAINMENT” Dysart

PostAWeek 25: April Performer of the Month -

By David “THE MOST ELECTRIFYING CHARACTER IN ALL BLOGGING ENTERTAINMENT” Dysart

Tom and Chuck were transcribed in front of an imaginary audience

Peter Dinklage as Tyrion Lannister

Of Game of Thrones

Green Day

Scott Sigler

Star Crafts Youtube

Tom: Readers! Welcome to this episode of the PostAWeek!

Chuck: After quite the hiatus, we’re back with an entire month of Performer of the Months.

Tom: FINALLY

Chuck: No

Tom: TOM AND CHUCK

Chuck: Don’t

Tom: HAVE

Chuck: Please stop.

Tom: COME BACK

Chuck: No

Tom: TO THE POSTAWEEK

Chuck: Is that out of your system now.

Tom: IT IS NEVER OUT OF MY SYSTEM

Chuck: UGH

Tom: BECAUSE I’M THE MOST ELECTRIFYING CHARACTER IN ALL BLOGGING ENTERTAINMENT

Chuck: Can we just have ONE regular post?? That’s all I ask.

Tom: IS THAT WHAT YOU’RE ASKING??

Chuck: Yes, that is in fact what I’m asking.

Tom: KIND OF SOUNDS LIKE YOU’RE ASKING ME TO WHOOP YOUR CANDY ASS!

Chuck: Why would I ask you to do that?

Tom: I’M GOING TO TAKE MY SIZE 13’S, TURN THEM SIDEWAYS AND

Chuck: Get to the this month’s performer?? That’s a great plan!

Tom: ALRIGHT AND WHO IS OUR FIRST PERFORMER, WHO THE FIRST PERSON WHO DARES TO INTERRUPT THE TOM AND ON THE TOM’S SHOW? WHO DOES TOM NEED TO KICK UP AND DOWN UNTIL WE GET TO THE SMACKDOWN HOTEL AND I CAN BUY A LITTLE EXTRA TOM SAUCE AT THE CANDYASS CAFE??

Chuck: It’s Pete-

Tom: PETE PETE PETE. I DON’T CARE! YOU NEED TO SHUT UP AND KNOW YOUR ROLE! IF I WANTED PETER DINKLAGE AS TYRION LANNISTER FROM GAME OF THRONES TO BE ON THE TOM’S SHOW, I WOULD TAKE HIM

Chuck: You would take him?

Tom: I WOULD DO SOMETHING REAL SPECIAL WITH HIM.

Chuck: You know he’s a person right?

Tom: SHINE HIM UP REAL NICE

Chuck: I don’t even know what that means.

Tom: TURN THAT SUM BITCHES SIDEWAYS AND STICK HIM STRAIGHT UP YOUR CANDY ASS

Chuck: Well, with that beautiful mental image... Our next performer is Green Day

Tom: WHO...

Chuck: They’re a ba-

Tom: IN THE BLUE HELL... IS THAT RUDY POO?!

Chuck: Most recently, they released a trio of albums called, Uno, Do-

Tom: IF I WANTED THEY’RE LIFE’S STORY, I’D HAVE INVITED THEM ON THE TOM’S SHOW AND WE WOULD HAVE HAD A NICE LITTLE CHAT TOGEHTER. CAAAANNNN YOU SMELL... WHAT THE TOM... IS COOKING

Chuck: Is it Roast Bee-

Tom: DON’T MAKE THE TOMETH LAYETH THE SMACKETH DOWN ON YOUR CANDY ASS! GET TO THE NEXT PERFORMER!

Chuck: Next up is podcaster Scott Sigler.

Tom: DO YOU MEAN THE WALKING CADAVER. THEEEEEE FUTURE... DARK OVERLORD. THE 5-FOOT NOTHING STINKING, STEAMING, BAG OF MONKEY CRA-

Chuck: Tom! These are all respected performers and honorees here on the Performer of the Month.

Tom: AND TOM WILL DO WHAT HE ALWAYS DOES. KICKING THE JABRONI ASSES OF ANYONE AND EVERYONE ON THE PERFORMER OF THE MONTH.

Chuck: Well that’s fine and dandy, bu-

Tom: AND AS HE DOES IT, THE MILLIONS

Paul: and millions

Tom: AND THE MILLIONS OF FANS OF THE TOM WILL CHANT

Paul: TOMMY TOMMY TOMMY

Chuck: And I’ll be here introducing Star Crafts Youtube as our last performer for the month of April.

Tom: NO

Chuck: What no??

Tom: YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN THE MOST IMPORTANT PERFORMER OF THE MONTH...

Chuck: Nope, it’s these 4 on the script

Tom: YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN THE TOM’S FAVORITE PERFORMER THIS MONTH AND EVERY MONTH. YOU’VE FORGOTTEN PUTANG PIE!!

Chuck: Ugh, let’s just get to the Performer of the Month.

Tom: WHO CARES ABOUT THE PERFORMER OF THE MONTH WHEN YOU HAVE THE READERS’ CHAMPION DROPPING THE READERS’ ELBOW ALL OVER THIS BLOG!

Chuck: Yes, well. Our performer this month is

Paul: dududududuuddududududududu

Chuck: Is-

Tom: THE TOM SAYS, YOU HAVE NEVER, AND I MEAN EVER DONE THIS AS GOOD AS THE TOM, AND THAT MEANS THAT ON THE TOM’S SHOW, THE TOM IS GOING TO BE ANNOUNCING THE PERFORMER OF THE MONTH

Chuck: Then g-

Tom: YOU NEED TO SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND KNOW YOUR ROLE!

Paul: You’ve actually already used that one, Tom.

Tom: Really? Sorry. I guess I got carried away

Paul: It’s okay, go ahead.

Tom: THIS BLOG IS OVER ITS WORD COUNT AND I COULDN’T CARE. THE PERFORMER OF THE MONTH IS...

Paul: dududududuuddududududududu

Tom: THE DWARF, THE IMP, THE MOST ELECTRIFYING ACTOR IN THE HBO SHOW, THE MOST RIVETING CHARACTER IN THE BOOKS. THE PERFORMER OF THE MONTH IS PETER DINKLAGE AS TYRION LANNISTER FROM GAME OF THRONES!

Chuck: Well, there you have it. Thank you for joi-

Tom: OH, NO NO NO. YOU DO NOT END THE TOM’S SHOW. THE TOM ENDS THE TOM’S SHOW, YOU BROKEN DOWN, JOBRONI-ASSED EXCUSE FOR A HOST. AND THE TOM SAYS THE SHOW IS OVER.

Listening to

THE ROCK http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuZ2-KYFfkA

Twitter Tag

THE ROCK SAYS YOU WILL READ THIS POST, YOU WILL LIKE THIS POST, AND YOU WILL ENJOY EVERY SECOND OF IT YOU CANDY-ASS JABRONI http://daviddysart.blogspot.com/2013/06/postaweek-21-april-performer-of-month.html

http://tiny.cc/PostAWeek25

Going faster than a “Reply All” email, websites like mine will surely go your way

http://twitter.com/daviddysart All in all, it’s just another post in the feed

http://daviddysart.tumblr.com/ I’m gonna post some tumblrs

http://hangingonbelay.blogspot.com/ Got you stuck on my belay, on my belay like a figure 8

http://daviddysart.blogspot.com/ Posts become as vapid as a blogger out in Starbucks

http://tiny.cc/Facebook_DavidDysart This site has got to be the most pretentious thing

The http my own website is coming soon .com !!!! in all its Glory - and all its Horror

New to the PostAWeek? These are the essential posts to see

3 – January Performer of the Month – The first official appearance of Chuck and Tom on the PostAWeek, and a good sampler of their style.

http://tiny.cc/PostAWeek3

5, 6, 7 – The February Performer of the Month Trilogy – The only Performer of the Month to span 3 posts, Chuck deals with a Batman-quoting Tom for over 1,500 words in this three-bit of brilliance

http://tiny.cc/PostAWeek5

http://tiny.cc/PostAWeek6

http://tiny.cc/PostAWeek7

8, 9, 10 – The Mile High Diaries Trilogy – My yearly pilgrimage to the top of Mount Etatslac chronicled for the future generations to tackle the peak, written article-style with pulled quotes and all that jazz.

http://tiny.cc/PostAWeek8

http://tiny.cc/PostAWeek9

http://tiny.cc/PostAWeek10

           

AND ON THE SEVENTH DAY, THIS BLOG WAS POSTED AND THE TOM LOOKED UPON AND SAW THAT IT WAS GOOD

PostAWeek 24: The One with the Woodworking Presentation By David “Fragile and Broke Very Easy” Dysart

PostAWeek 24: The One with the Woodworking Presentation

By David “Fragile and Broke Very Easy” Dysart

So for the Peter Pan Camp at Heartland Players Theatre Company, they asked me to be a special guest and talk about woodworking/propmaking. Unfortunately, I got bumps, so I’ll be giving it this week for the Seussical Teen Camp.

Here’s the outline I came up for it. The actual printout has some more notes, but I’m too lazy to make a scan of it.

Woodworking presentation

Horse, Penguin, Guitar, Afro Samurai Sword, Wand

How and why I started

Woodworking has been a great creative outlet for me

I’ve always been interested in drawing and being creative, just not good at it

Connecting with my passions and likes

            Like the guitar

Got started on things I thought were cool.

Horse

Penguin

I’ve always been a geek, so it’s a fun way to get involved

What I love about it is the fact that I’m always growing. I’m getting better at the work of woodworking, becoming more creative, more skilled at the artistic endeavor, and always learning little tricks that make things easier. Every new project has new challenges and lessons.

And these are all very important aspects for woodworking and propmaking. Take for example, my last project involved actual wood. It was really fragile and broke very easy, so it took a bit of ingenuity to work around that.

And I’ve definitely come a LONG way. I was terrible at it in the beginning. It took forever! And I really didn’t have the tools I needed. But that’s the thing. I got better, did it faster, and accumulated the tools I needed to do better. And that’s really how it is with anything you do.

Then when I started acting here, I started doing little props here and there. I’ve been lucky enough to act in 3 big shows here and have made everything from daggers and swords to guns and rifles. The nice thing is though, my painting skills aren’t too great, so while this is good practice, if needs to look really pretty, I can hand it off to a more skilled person at the theatre.

A lot of times, collaborating can be a great thing to do. It allows us to so many great things that we can’t do alone. A director needs their stage manager, Kirk needs his Spock, and a woodworker needs his painter.

And that’s not to say, you shouldn’t try to get better at everything, but I’ve got a pretty good idea of my skillsets. I don’t foresee myself ever being as good of a painter as Dimyana, so I’m focusing on my strengths

Listening to

Auction Wars

Twitter Tag

This man promptly created from a Medium Density Fiberboard many geeky props and tributes  http://tiny.cc/PostAWeek

Going faster than a “Reply All” email, websites like mine will surely go your way

http://twitter.com/daviddysart All in all, it’s just another post in the feed

http://daviddysart.tumblr.com/ I’m gonna post some tumblrs

http://hangingonbelay.blogspot.com/ Got you stuck on my belay, on my belay like a figure 8

http://daviddysart.blogspot.com/ Posts become as vapid as a blogger out in Starbucks

http://tiny.cc/Facebook_DavidDysart This site has got to be the most pretentious thing

The http my own website is coming soon .com !!!! in all its Glory - and all its Horror

New to the PostAWeek? These are the essential posts to see

3 – January Performer of the Month – The first official appearance of Chuck and Tom on the PostAWeek, and a good sampler of their style.

http://tiny.cc/PostAWeek3

5, 6, 7 – The February Performer of the Month Trilogy – The only Performer of the Month to span 3 posts, Chuck deals with a Batman-quoting Tom for over 1,500 words in this three-bit of brilliance

http://tiny.cc/PostAWeek5

http://tiny.cc/PostAWeek6

http://tiny.cc/PostAWeek7

8, 9, 10 – The Mile High Diaries Trilogy – My yearly pilgrimage to the top of Mount Etatslac chronicled for the future generations to tackle the peak, written article-style with pulled quotes and all that jazz.

http://tiny.cc/PostAWeek8

http://tiny.cc/PostAWeek9

http://tiny.cc/PostAWeek10

           

In 2010 a sharp artistic dude was sent to the garage by a creative endavor for a craft he had never committed. This man promptly created from a Medium Density Fiberboard many geeky props and tributes. Today, still wanted by the fanboys, he survive as an independent contractor. If you have a prop, if no one else can make it, and if you can find me, maybe you can commission... the Rockwall Ronin.

PostAWeek 23: The Star Trek Parody – A Double PostAWeek Conundrum pt. 2 By David “Cheap Cardboard Set” Dysart

PostAWeek 23: The Star Trek Parody – A Double PostAWeek Conundrum pt. 2

By David “Cheap Cardboard Set” Dysart

Internet: the final domain. These are the ramblings of the blogship PostAWeek. Its five-hundred-word mission: to explore strange new thoughts, to seek out new laughs and new silly iterations, to boldly write what no man has written before.

Staring PostAWeek author David Dysart as Captain Dave B Sart

With Performer of the Month stars

Chuck Jewels as Doctor McChuckCoy

and

Tom Fosury as Lt. Tomhura.

Also staring Paul, producer of the Performer of the Month, as Mr. SPaulck

*Cheap cardboard set shakes*

*Even MORE exploding computers*

Lt. Tomhura: Sir, shields down to 18%

SPaulk: Captain, I would advise we finish this week’s PostAWeek in the very near future. Back-to-back unfinished posts could destroy our blog.

Captain Dave B Sart: I know, but our next blog should be the Rock Wall Ronin piece.

McChuckCoy: You want to write an entirely different blog entry when you have a Star Trek Parody at your fingertips?! Dammit, Jim. That’s like asking the prom queen to dance with your high school sweetheart right next to you!

Captain Dave B Sart: Thank you, Bones. I don’t know what this blog would do without your insightful metaphors.

SPaulk: While I’m sure the readers are enjoying the banter between you two, we must come to a decision as to which post to work on. Shall we continue this, or are we going to throw our efforts into this Rock Wall Ronin post?

Captain Dave B Sart: Lt. Tomhura. How many words are we at?

Lt. Tomhura: 170, captain.

McChuckCoy: *Whisper* Jim. We have some footage in med bay. *Whisper*

Captain Dave B Sart: How much are we talking about?

McChuckCoy: How about a little respect. It’s dead, Jim!

Captain Dave B Sart: We’re not exactly in a place to be dancing around this. We need to finish this post before the PostAWeek destroys our blog!

McChuckCoy: *Whisper* We have about 80 words worth of content *Whisper*

Captain Dave B Sart: We can work with that. Give it to Scotty. See if we can get a little bit more out of it.

McChuckCoy: Aya, aye, Captain

Captain Dave B Sart: Mr. SPaulk, take us to warp 1. We need to buy McChuckCoy and Scotty some time.

*Door Opens*

SPaulk: Captain, seeing as we are 300 words, I fail to see how “a little time” will be sufficient to finish this post.

Captain Dave B Sart: Sometimes, you don’t need to see something to know it works, Mr. SPaulk. That’s just part of being human.

McChuckCoy: Jim! We’re ready. Wrap the post up!

Captain Dave B Sart: Thanks, Bones. I owe you a bottle of Romulan ale.

McChuckCoy: It better be a dark brew!

SPaulk: Captain, I fail to see how we can wrap this post up now.

Captain Dave B Sart: Don’t worry, Mr. SPaulk. Just trust in your friend.

SPaulk: While I have been and always shall be your friend, I fail to see the relevance in the current situation.

Lt. Tomhura: Captain, the PostAWeek. It’s... finished. We’re pulling away from this week’s responsibilities.

Mr. SPaulk: That is... extraordinary.

Captain Dave B Sart: Lt. Tomhura, play the microtape

Lt. Tomhura: Yes, Captain.

3

2

1

The following footage was discovered in the archives of the PostAWeeks 22. These microtapes have been labeled as “bloopers.”

Captain Dave B Sart: We have two PotM torpedoes on board. Can you upload those to deal with these PostAWeeks

McChuckCoy: Dammit, Dave. I’m a doctor, but an entertainment blogger!

Captain Dave B Sart: Bones! There are two posts in the med bay. Blank slates!

McChuckCoy: You don’t mean the March and April Performer of the Months, do you?!?

Captain Dave B Sart: Exactly. Can you revive them, get their word count up to speed and post them?

McChuckCoy: Captain, I’m fictional character, not a blogger!

Captain Dave B Sart: Status report?!

McChuckCoy: We’ve taken heavy tragedies.

Captain Dave B Sart: Which posts?

McChuckCoy: They’re dead, Dave. All of them. Domains of Attractiveness, the Heroes, Villains, AntiHeroes trilogy... Even the poetry dumps.

Captain Dave B Sart: We have to post tomorrow. In the name of the fallen!

McChuckCoy: In the name of the fallen? Posting tomorrow would be like ordering a pizza despite the fact that you just burned that casserole you worked on all day.

Listening to

Fast N Loud

Twitter Tag

Cheap cardboard sets, shields down to 18%, and bloopers in the med bay? This ending is rather... Incredible http://tiny.cc/PostAWeek23 #StarTrekParody pt 2

Going faster than a “Reply All” email, websites like mine will surely go your way

http://twitter.com/daviddysart All in all, it’s just another post in the feed

http://daviddysart.tumblr.com/ I’m gonna post some tumblrs

http://hangingonbelay.blogspot.com/ Got you stuck on my belay, on my belay like a figure 8

http://daviddysart.blogspot.com/ Posts become as vapid as a blogger out in Starbucks

http://tiny.cc/Facebook_DavidDysart This site has got to be the most pretentious thing

The http my own website is coming soon .com !!!! in all its Glory - and all its Horror

New to the PostAWeek? These are the essential posts to see

3 – January Performer of the Month – The first official appearance of Chuck and Tom on the PostAWeek, and a good sampler of their style.

http://tiny.cc/PostAWeek3

5, 6, 7 – The February Performer of the Month Trilogy – The only Performer of the Month to span 3 posts, Chuck deals with a Batman-quoting Tom for over 1,500 words in this three-bit of brilliance

http://tiny.cc/PostAWeek5

http://tiny.cc/PostAWeek6

http://tiny.cc/PostAWeek7

8, 9, 10 – The Mile High Diaries Trilogy – My yearly pilgrimage to the top of Mount Etatslac chronicled for the future generations to tackle the peak, written article-style with pulled quotes and all that jazz.

http://tiny.cc/PostAWeek8

http://tiny.cc/PostAWeek9

http://tiny.cc/PostAWeek10

           

Captain's Log, Stardate 2013.6. We have encountered a pair of PostAWeeks that nearly destroyed our blog. Through sheer will and banter, we were able to fill both posts in a matter of days. While these posts tested the medal of the cast of the Song of the Month, the posts did fail and made us stronger in the end. I am confident that we will endure. With nearly 30 more PostAWeeks left, unexplored, we will meet the challenge head-on and finish the year in an enterprising fashion.