PostAWeek 20: Brutus and Antony on Mark Zuckerberg
By David “Favorte’d
Account” Dysart
It’s that time of summer again.
Redlands Shakespeare Festival is having their season of shows in the Redlands
bowl. Unfortunately, it’s their last weekend, so you’re going to have make
haste to see Caesar tonight and Loves Labor Lost tomorrow. If you need a bit
more motivation, here’s how Brutus’ and Antony’s speaches would have sounded if
they were dealing with Mark Zuckerberg nowadays.
Enjoy!
BRUTUS Monologue Parody
Friends, Facebookers, and Fans! Read me for my
cause, and hit “See more”, that you may read: believe me
for mine “likes,” and have respect to mine “likes,” that
you may believe: “tl:dr” me in your skimming, and
“activate” your accounts, that you may the better “share.”
If there be any in this comment thread, any Facebook friend
of
Zuckerberg’s, to him I type, that Brutus’s “friend request”
to Zuckerberg
was no less than his. If then that friend demand
why Brutus “deleted,” this is my answer:
--Not that I “favorite’d” Zuckerberg less, but that I liked
Facebook’s statuses more.
Had you rather Zuckerberg were posting and
all likers lurk, than that Zuckerberg were “deactivated,” to
post your own statuses?
As Zuckerberg “liked” my posts, I “shared” for him;
as he was fortunate, I “congrats” at it; as he was
photobombed, I “tagged” him: but, as he was ambitious, I
“deleted” him. There is tears for his “likes;” notes for his
feed; quotes for his cleverness; and “unfriend” for his
ambition.
Who is posting so base that would be a
tweeter? If any, tweet; for him have I offended.
Who is here so rude that would not be a Facebooker? If
any, “comment;” for him have I offended. Who is here so
vile that will not “share” this post? If any, troll;
for him have I offended. I pause for a “report.”
ANTONY Monologue Parody
Friends, Facebookers, and Fans, lend me your eyes;
I come to “reactivate” Zuckerberg, not to “suggest friends”
him.
The evil that men post lives after them;
The good is oft “unfollow post” with their timelines;
So let it be with Zuckerberg.
The “favorite’d” Brutus
Hath told you Zuckerberg was ambitious:
If it were so, it was a grievous post,
And grievously hath Zuckerberg commented it.
Here, under “tag” of Brutus and the rest of the Senate Page--
For Brutus is a “favorite’d” account;
So are they all, all “favorite’d” accounts—
Come I to post in Zuckerberg’s “deactivation.”
He was my “friend,” “follower” and commenter to me:
But Brutus posts he was ambitious;
And Brutus is a “favorite’d” account.
He hath “suggest friend” many accounts to Facebook
Whose “likes” did the friend’s posts did fill:
Did this in Zuckerberg seem ambitious?
When that the poor have blogged, Zuckerberg hath changed
Timeline:
Ambition should be made of sterner stuff:
Yet Brutus says he was ambitious;
And Brutus is a “favorite’d” account.
You all did see that on the UStream
I thrice presented him a “Follow Friday,”
Which he did thrice refuse: was this ambition?
Yet Brutus says he was ambitious;
And, sure, he is a “favorite’d” account.
I post not to “unlike” what Brutus updated,
But here I am to post what I do know.
You all did “like” him once, not without post:
What cause withholds you then, to like his fan page?
O judgment! thou art fled to anonymous trolls,
And men have lost their “Share”. Bear with me;
My “like” is in the deactivated account there with Zuckerberg,
And I must stare at the screen till it come back to me.
For an unparodied version of the speech, see Julius Caesar
along with Loves Labor Lost and Taming of the Shrew in their final weekend of
shows starting this Thursday https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151547378502929&set=a.459472702928.244680.134534482928&type=1&theater
For Brutus’s parody, be sure to read PostAWeek 20 this
weekend, right here on my Facebook https://www.facebook.com/thedaviddysart?sk=notes
or on Tumblr http://daviddysart.tumblr.com/
Listening to
The old Definitive Davidian Collections soundtracks. I had
really good taste
Twitter Tag
There was a great tragedy today. The favorte’d account,
Brutus, deactivated Mark Zuckerberg’s Facebook account, only @ http://tiny.cc/PostAWeek20 #TheatreProblems
Going faster than a
“Reply All” email, websites like mine will surely go your way
http://twitter.com/daviddysart All in
all, it’s just another post in the feed
http://daviddysart.tumblr.com/ I’m
gonna post some tumblrs
http://hangingonbelay.blogspot.com/
Got you stuck on my belay, on my belay like a figure 8
http://daviddysart.blogspot.com/
Posts become as vapid as a blogger out in Starbucks
http://tiny.cc/Facebook_DavidDysart
This site has got to be the most pretentious thing
The http my own website
is coming soon .com !!!! in all its Glory - and all its Horror
New to the PostAWeek?
These are the essential posts to see
3 – January Performer of
the Month – The first official appearance of Chuck and Tom on the PostAWeek,
and a good sampler of their style.
5, 6, 7 – The February
Performer of the Month Trilogy – The only Performer of the Month to span 3
posts, Chuck deals with a Batman-quoting Tom for over 1,500 words in this
three-bit of brilliance
8, 9, 10 – The Mile High
Diaries Trilogy – My yearly pilgrimage to the top of Mount Etatslac chronicled
for the future generations to tackle the peak, written article-style with
pulled quotes and all that jazz.
To accept or not. That is the question. Rather tis nobler to
suffer the game requests and pokes or to simply go outside and live life like a
normal person.
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