PostAWeek 6: February Performer of the Month – The (Still)
Dark PotM
By David “Jokers Wild”
Dysart
Tom and Chuck were transcribed in
front of an imaginary audience
Chuck: Hello, and welcome
back, PostAWeek readers. If you haven’t read the first part of the February
Performer of the Month, do be sure to go read it at http://tiny.cc/PostAWeek5
Tom: Why did we end the show
unfinished?
Chuck: I don’t know. Why?
Tom: So we can pick it back up
again.
Chuck: Are you seriously still
doing these ridiculous Batman references? Who does that?!?
Tom: It doesn't matter who I am...
what matters is my references. No one cared who I was until I quoted the man in
the mask.
Chuck: If I stop talking right now,
will you stop?
Tom: It would be extremely
beneficial...
Chuck: You're a big liar.
Tom: ...to you.
Chuck: Forget it. I’m going to go
make a sandwich until you burn yourself out.
Tom: I do fear hosting. I fear
finishing in here while my ego burns.
Chuck: Then make with the regular
talk.
Tom: How?
Chuck: As the I did. Without depending
on pop culture. Then amazing will find you again.
Tom: So, you came back to host with
your partner?
Chuck: No. I came back to stop you
from talking in ridiculous references.
Tom: You don't fear humor... You
welcome it. Your punishment must be more severe.
Chuck: references?
Tom: Yes. But not of your Marvel...
Of my DC.
Chuck: Screw it. You and Paul can
finish the post.
Tom: I made a promise on the
keyboard of my creator that I would rid this blog of the boringness that took
his likes. By day, I am Tom, imaginiar, real pill, and a pest. At night,
insomniacs, a bored and sleepless lot, call me... Entertainment.
Chuck: Hmm, I think a good ol’
fashioned PB and J would be nice.
Tom: You on the board?
Paul: When your host leaves things,
yeah.
Tom: You knew he’d make a sandwich?
Paul: Oh, yeah. Helped him buy the
spread. Ah, here we are. Keep-fresh ziplock bag. Machine-threshed and cracked
whole grain. The three hundred and fifty calorie fresh mayonnaise. Wonderful
project, your host’s sandwich. Put it right into the fridge along with the soda
and chips. Kind of made my fridge the unofficial food source for the PostAWeek.
Of course, David’ll let it go to rot. Here we are. Cheese puffs for the finished
sandwich, extra cheese, stay-puff technology.
Chuck: Hey, guys. You done yet?
Tom: You traveled to the kitchen...
Now you must journey inwards... to what you really want to eat... it's inside
you... there is no turning back. Your poor choice of sandwich was not your
fault. Your food prep is nothing. The hunger is everything. If you make
yourself more than just a sandwich, if you devote time to a meal, it becomes
something else entirely. Are you ready to begin?
Chuck: bb, M lrdy eedng
Tom: If something stands in the way
of a true meal, you simply walk up behind them and slap the plate out of their
hands.
(Glass breaking)
Chuck: Duu! Ai jus ade tht!
Tom: Not a lot of people know what
it feels like to be hungry, in your bones. I mean, they understand, famished,
everybody understands, for a while. Then they want the hungry little kid to do
something he knows he can't do, move on. So after a while they stop
understanding. They send the hungry kid a sandwich. I figured it out too late.
You gotta learn to hide your hunger, practice smiling in the mirror. It's like
putting on a mask.
Chuck: Are you saying you’re hungry
too?
Tom: Speak of the hunger and he
shall appear.
Chuck: Well, we’re over our word
count. Let’s go grab something to eat
Tom: Shrimp balls?
Chuck: No!
Tom: So which is it to be? Deli, or
restaurant?
Chuck: Restaurant!
Tom: Sold! To the man in a meat
sweat.
Chuck: Paul, you coming.
Paul: Yeah, go ahead. I just need
to post this.
Chuck: Well, PostAWeek readers, we
bid you adieu. Please do join us next week for the exciting conclusion of the
February Performer of the Month!
Tom: I see a beautiful post and a
brilliant people reading from their bed. I see the likes for which I lay down
my words, peaceful, useful, prosperous and happy. I see that I hold a sanctuary
in their hearts, and in the hearts of their descendants, generations hence. It
is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far
better restaurant that I go to, than I have ever known.
Chuck: Cool, see you next time,
PostAWeek readers!
...
...
Paul: I believe in Tom Fosury. I
believe in Chuck Jewels. I believe in PostAWeek
Reading to
The Heist by Mackelmore (how great a villain name is that?)
Twitter Tag
It's a funny world we live in. Speaking of which, do you know
how I got these blogs? Only at http://tiny.cc/PostAWeek6
Going faster than a
“Reply All” email, websites like mine will surely go your way
http://twitter.com/daviddysart All in
all, it’s just another post in the feed
http://daviddysart.tumblr.com/ I’m
gonna post some tumblrs
http://hangingonbelay.blogspot.com/
Got you stuck on my belay, on my belay like a figure 8
http://daviddysart.blogspot.com/
Posts become as vapid as a blogger out in Starbucks
http://tiny.cc/Facebook_DavidDysart
This site has got to be the most pretentious thing
New to the Bloggaday?
These are the essential posts to see
158 – Boxer V Brief –
Short, concise joke machine and a DYNAMIC ENTRANCE! to my favorite Bloggadays
of the Second Trigaday
159 – A Phthalates-filled
Sbarro Breadstick – This was just a funny Bloggaday despite the essence being
something no one will get unless the look up what a phthalate is
174 – FNtCCA,aToTbDD–
While I think it’s clear I rarely EDIT the Bloggaday, this train-of-thought
post shows how much I have to FILTER it…
183 – SotW 13 – This one
had it all. Pretty much every bit that’s been a major player in the SotW made
its way into this one, so it’s a good one to try.
134 – SotW 5 – This
particular Song of the Week featured the characters a bit truer to their
original concept. After a while, I started liking Tom too much and changed him
a bit which caused changes to Chuck.
227 – PWND: TSHBRotCCPS
pt16 was some solid fiction content. Plus, that was probably some of the finest
Final Thought I’ve ever thought up.
Come on, I want you to do it,
I want you to do it. Come on, like me. *like me!*
